Reply to Mitch's Love

Dear Mitch,
You have no chance with me. I hate the scent of you and your nasty red hair. I want to get a restraining order against you since you are so nasty. I know I am beautiful and that is the reason you don't have a chance with me. I will never date a white man, specially with red hair. That beard you are trying to grow just looks like a nasty grease pit. When you wear your polar bear pants and shave your head I just think of all the nasty things you look like. Also, you are so stupid and unathletic that you broke your thumb while playing the outfield in practice. You pitch, but you aren't that good. There is no way in the world that you will go pro so you should just quit. My mom throws a baseball harder than you but, you still insist on playing when you can't catch, hit, or throw. Just quit. I have never loved you and never will.
---Shakira

Carrie Underwood

Dear Carrie Underwood,

Your voice sounds like an angel with your looks it is pure beauty. Your blonde hair and your sparkiling white teeth are amazing. If I ever met you I would stand in awe in the presence of your amazing beauty. If I did meet you I wouldn't know what to say. The reason this is so short is that no one can explain all the great things about you.

Love Always,
Benjamin Demeritt